when I grow up

(Boston Marathon bombings took place on April 15th 2013)

Looking over facebook posts, realizing there’s a deep sense of sadness amongst some of my friends, because of ongoing national and worldwide tragedies. Going to two funerals in one week kind of forces me to look for a reason to smile, for a sense of balance, though its perfectly alright to feel no need to smile (considering). I think society has forced us to respond in ways that create burdens on our psyche. Smiling, laughing, and breathing, help us to alleviate some of that burden. I hope that my friends can find a reason to smile, even if only briefly, if they want to.

And I,
wanna cry 
long past the timeframe they’ve told me is acceptable.
I wanna laugh 
until I’ve drowned out silence,
or until they tell me to grow up.
I won’t listen.

I wanna ask 
those questions,
the easy ones with answers like, 
“Because he thought no one loved him,” or 
“we’ll never have the answers.” 
And the tough ones, with answers like, 
“Because he thought no one loved him,” or 
“we’ll never have the answers.”

I don’t wanna know 
why and when people stopped listening, stopped caring.
And because no one ever thinks they need a hug,
I wanna hug 
everyone I meet.
That moment of letting go together, 
when we feel emotions dancing. 
And I’d rather dance
then grow up.

I want my heart to smile, 
in a room filled with unbearable darkness.
Adult eyes piercing me with curiosity, longing to be
in my shoes, once again. 
To grow up, in my shoes.

Because
I’m 2 years young, 
5 years old. 
I’m that kid you once knew.
I am hope. 
Love is what fills the softness 
throughout my bones.
There are no options
for anything less.
I am what I want to be,
when I grow up.